Thursday, September 24, 2009

Insecurities

Deep sigh.......
My self esteem is close to hitting bottom, maybe more like the bottom of a pool's deep end bottom, not bottom of a deep canyon bottom, but it's still the bottom of something. While on the subject, I feel like my bottom is doubling as you read this. As I eat, and am forbidden to exercise. I feel lazy and lethargic. My arm has an ugly picc line in it (it no longer hurts thought and shout out to Ashley Paige - I now have vet's plastic sleeves for the shower! Work great!). I'm breaking out on my face from the fertility dr's hormones plus they say I look 2-3 months pregnant (I'm not) because my ovaries are almost triple in size right now. I'm Casper-ly pale from lack of sunlight (a push to ensure I don't get skin cancer), and since I'll be losing my hair in a few mere weeks - I haven't cut or colored it and let's just say the roots aren't pretty. Needless to say, I'm a little down and totally insecure. Please don't think I'm vain, I just don't feel so awesome.

8 comments :

DeDe said...

Just remember what the lady said in the wig store, soon you will be a BEAUTIFUL cancer survivor, inside and out. Don't let the ugly of cancer get to you. Take a short walk. Enjoy a sunny day, with sunscreen, of course! Keep your chin up, hun. I continually pray for you and your family!

Sara said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I can't imagine the toll this takes on a woman to not be able to take care of your self image. It's so ingrained in us to keep up appearances and it sounds like it's best for your health for you not to. Are you allowed to get a massage? Or, a pedicure? Something to help you feel relaxed and like a girl?

Emily said...

Remember what I said....just scream curse words :) It helps. I love you so much and really loved our phone date last night. You will not believe the quote that was on my daily calendar for yesterday...here it is! "The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years-only grows!"

So appropriate! I LOVE YOUR SOUL SISTER.

Josie said...

Love you Sara! Hope you have something fun planned this weekend!

Sweet Simplicity said...

I was wondering how you had been doing. Don't worry about people thinking you are vain--you are a girl! I would be thinking the same things. And as girls, we usually think we look a lot worse than we actually do! I bet you still look great!

Sara said...

I love you! Keep ur head held high! You are beautiful on the inside and out! I'm praying for you! Love the other Sara from EtaO

Anonymous said...

I think and pray about you daily. You truly are a beautiful woman with the best qualities anyone could ask for!
EtaO is praying for you!! LOVE you!!
Emily Kamp

ruth said...

Hi Sara!
I got the link to your blog from Alicia, I hope you don't mind. I just wanted to let you know that you are amazing and will always be beautiful (and if Casey doesn't think so I'll hit him :) ). Don't feel guilty for feeling what you feel, I am so impressed by your strength and your writing and I'm very inspired by you. :) Take care!

 

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