Fog is NOT Cloudy

This morning, I drove to work in a thick, grey blanket of fog.

Let me show you......

Here's what I saw driving down the road today.......

Here's what I typically see.......

BIG DIFFERENCE. I think typically we think of fog as clouding our vision - blocking us from what we want to see. Well, it occurred to me that I was actually a better driver this morning because I wasn't distracted by all of the scenery, businesses, cars, police clocking speeders, or traffic up ahead. I simply had my complete attention focused on what was happening right in front of my face. I thought about this all the way to work on my 40 minute drive.

It's so easy to get wrapped up in life responsibilities, the mundane work at work, time stuck in traffic, finances and bills, and so on. Especially now with Christmas, and the holidays in general, it feels like sometimes it engulf me into a giddy spirit. One of "Everything is so wonderful, so great" when it may not be, and may suggest for me to go crazy to become the perfect Giada, Martha, Tori, Kate, Jackie O [insert your own holiday idol of perfection], ensuring I have the perfect holiday decor that rivals any home magazine, and making every effort to visit every Santa/snow machine around town. It can be stressful, and I can stuff that feeling down inside like we did to the turkey and the stuffing on Thanksgiving last month as it secretly eats away at my happiness. These distractions may blind me. I may lose sight of what is actually important - things that are right in front of my face.

This all reminds me of this Words of Wisdom post a few weeks ago.

Always, and especially with the holidays, life should be about family. About friends. About relationships. About blessings. About celebrating faith, God, Jesus. [Santa, step aside]

 I pledge that I will not let distractions get in the way of all that I have, love, and am blessed with. I will see the wonderful family, friends, and faith that are and have always been right there close beside me. I will look at everything that life is offering right now, and embrace it, wrapping it up in a big grey blanket of soft fluffy clouds cotton.

Bring on the fog!

Relaxing weekend, Realizations, and Religion

I had a wonderful weekend away! Lots of food, fun, and CRAFTING! I made these cute note cards for friends, check them out!

The pink ones are for Miss E, Dashing's sister.

The travel ones are for a secret friend who doesn't know they are coming her way yet! She is a jet setter getting ready to move...

Can't wait to see if these ladies like the note cards! I sure do :)

So, onto the update... I have found that almost no conversation happens without the mention of at least one of the following words: cancer, lymphoma, chemo, doctor. No one is dwelling on it, but you can't make any kind of plans without addressing it. No, we can't do that next week because we have a doctor's appointment at that time. Let's plan the holidays this way because Sara Cate will still be on chemotherapy then. I think we all try to have "normal" (if that is even possible) conversations, but all talk consists of this. Cancer is not only invading my body, it's invading everything I and everyone else does. I challenged myself not to bring it up for 30 minutes. I barely made it. Unbelievable how life changes.

THE HONEST TRUTH: I've been facing this lymphoma head to head with as much strength and positivity (wink wink to the CDCs) as possible. However, I do want you to know that I do have my nights/days when I break. I am not Mother Theresa, and I bet she had her days too! This is what makes us human - I just wanted to share that I am human too and have a sea of emotions that I'm trying to navigate. I had some this weekend. It's when your feelings of scared, anxiety, trapped, lost, broken overwhelm you. Dashing does such a wonderful job listening and supporting me through this - I don't know where he gets his strength and wisdom. He wrote me this cute message using delicious alphabet cookies...

Then, I ate them. I think I've gained a few pounds this week...with the entourage whipping up all kinds of family meals and a do not exercise order, I'm loading up on calories. I'll just tally it up to caloric storage for the journey ahead. HOWEVER, I will NEVER resort to eating Paula Dean's "sandwich." You have to see this video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zv8yEMRDe_w. You will feel sick to your stomach.

The other topic I want to be honest about is faith. I have an unexplainable sense of calmness within me. As Dashing's mom, Glenda, and I discussed, it's about how God will use my lymphoma as a vehicle to make me and those around me better people with more compassion, understanding, and awareness. I hope it provides others opportunities to reconnect, learn to live and love life, and recognize how each one of us are blessed in so many ways.

In honor of my Delta Gamma roots, I have to also mention this about faith. Just as I received word via phone on Friday that my PET scan showed no signs of tumors below my diaphragm (which puts me at a stage 2 ...fantastic!), I took my last sip of water at a local restaurant only to find the glass engraved on the bottom with an anchor and an 'H' (symbols of hope). Faith and hope will show up in the craziest of places if you just keep your heart and eyes open. TDH.