New Beginnings

Dear family, friends, and supporters,

After a long hiatus from my blog, I finally have re-gained the excitement of writing. The telling of a personal life story can be quite exhausting. Sometimes, it was therapeutic, while other times it meant re-hashing details I didn't want to remember. I just needed to retreat to my family.

So, here I am, strong of mind and heart with a renewed energy AND not to mention... a PET scan result that says I'm cancer free! I face the world with a different attitude, and am learning how to function with this new outlook. I possess much more empathy and peace these days. However, my patience level fluctuates. See, I have much more patience for sensitive situations, much less for meaningless ones. This Leo sometimes has to be tamed ;) I struggle when people make excuses for themselves and want to shake them to understand that they can do something about it - make every day a special one.

I'm learning how to essentially forgive others for not having gone through a traumatic experience or excuse them for not knowing what I've been going through. I'm hoping this is a normal post-trauma thing to experience?? I do recognize what is wrong with the picture - I'm just being honest with what runs through my head sometimes when I encounter mean or ungrateful or faith-less people. Work in progress I suppose :) On the other side of patience and understanding, I no longer get frustrated when someone takes the elevator up one floor or maybe scoops up the last close parking space - I don't know what their story is...maybe they needed it...just like I did at one point. You just never know someone's story. Also, if you do learn about someone's story, share your support. Some of the most touching moments during all of this were the ones that complete strangers hugged me or offered me prayers. What a generous and caring world we DO live in. It gave me reassurance and hope. Please share love and faith with others who need it.

In continuing my new beginnings, I have accepted a new job in a warm, welcoming office. This position will offer me the opportunity to be supported, to grow, and to continue to establish my new self. In addition, I have started to grow my stationery/invitation business Sincerely Sara Cate - 3 weddings and many notecard orders have been filled! Website soon to come....once I figure out all the nuances to building a website - much tougher than I thought! I am so thankful that through my life experiences, I recognized what makes me and have made changes in my career path to reflect that.

Now, onto what I would consider the most special new beginning... Dashing and my wedding! As you know, we were engaged on his birthday, December 18th. We will be tying the knot on July 10, 2010. OH SO SOON! We've got most things in order, and are just finalizing details at this point. Another new beginning moment.... I've got Dashing taking dance lessons! Now that is big! I think he has started many new beginnings right along side me. We have continued to grow closer with stronger support, understanding, and most importantly, love. We are enjoying every moment of our engagement from reading books together that our Pastor assigned to picking out centerpiece details (although agreeing on registry items has been a little bit more challenging, but fun none-the-less).

In reading about someone else's experience with cancer, I have adopted this explanation to wrap up this part of my life and move forward to the next....

I don't think I'll ever be able to say that I'm glad I've had cancer, but I must say that I am so glad and thankful for all of the wonderful changes it has brought to my life. My relationships with family and friends has grown stronger. I have been able to identify what makes me happy and ensure that all parts of my life contribute to my happiness. My relationship with Dashing has bloomed into an even more loving, caring, and supportive one - I am so happy to be spending the rest of my life with him. These are wishes many people hope to gain in a lifetime - and I've been able to do just that.

Thank you for all the support, encouragement, strength, and love you all have given me. You all have shown me the kind of compassion that I didn't think even existed. So, here is me, signing off on the old Sara Cate, and welcoming new beginnings. This fall, I will be transforming this blog into a new Sincerely Sara Cate to help me continue to find inspiration in the things I love. I hope you will join me on that journey.

Sincerely,

Sara Cate

My friends are fabulous

My best friend, Lizy, told me she was going to come over for a surprise visit. Little did I know, she actually meant our whole group of girlfriends. The doorbell rang a few times, and then the girls presented me with a gift. A gift truly from the heart.Each friend decorated a fabric square and then made it into a quilt. Even friends from New York and Chicago had their hand in this. How lucky I am to have friends that are so thoughtful and caring. I love you girls!

The End is Just the Beginning

As a movie comes to a close, and the film fades out, two words scroll across the screen to signify the happily ever after...The End. Although I finished my last round of chemotherapy, The End is not here.

On January 6, I received my final chemotherapy infusion. Although this was such a wonderful feeling knowing I was done, the event that matched it was throwing out Mr. PICC. Yes, you heard it from me. Mr. PICC is GONE. So after all of these events, the infusion nurses threw me a celebration "Bubble Party". I felt on top of the world.

PICC Line Removal - I braced myself for pain, but it didn't end up hurting at all!
Celebrating at the Bubble Party

Then the next chapter came - radiation. On January 13th, I met with my radiation oncologist (Dr. T). During that appointment, I got my tattoo - which I am happy to report is the size of a small pen dot. You would never notice it! Whew. I'll be starting radiation in the beginning of February - 5 days a week for 4 weeks.

Now I want to talk about the reality of it all. Although I responded beautifully to chemotherapy and really had a lot of great feeling days, I can't even think about chemotherapy without feeling sick to my stomach. This last round was definitely the toughest, and I had 2 dates with the toilet. I still don't have a taste for many foods and tire easily. My skin is very pale, my eyebrows are weak, and I've lost some eyelashes (I'm not sure if that's due to the treatment or stress - regardless, they're gone). My hair did not survive.

This photo was difficult for me to post because I don't want it to be real, but it is, and I want to share the truth with you. I frequently think about how much hair I'll have when Dashing and I get married.

So since THE END of chemotherapy, I have the next 2 weeks to recoup and recover before I BEGIN radiation.

The Quintessential Christmas

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of holiday cheer. I was able to spend the holiday's with family enjoying the true meaning of Christmas, and thanking God for all the wonderful people He has put in my life.

I also love seeing all of the Christmas lights and holiday decor this time of year - it makes me smile. So in pursuit of these scenes, I came across the oddest Christmas scene...Uncle Sam, Santa Claus, Baby Jesus, and the Virgin Mary. Who knew they all lived during the same time!
During this holiday time, I had my 7th treatment. Just this past week, Dashing looked at me and oh-so-delicately told me that I am finally starting to take on the look of a cancer patient. My skin is so pale, dark circles have formed around my eyes, and a bluish tint has settled into my skin. Luckily, as a female, it is perfectly acceptable for me to attempt to cover these things up with make-up. So, these days, I'm feeling like I could use a make-up artist around.

For a little bit of a pick me up, Dashing, the Entourage, and I went to the happiest place on Earth for the New Year's weekend...Disneyland. From the sounds of Main Street's singing quartet to the sparkle of the castle's icicle lights - I love it all.
So now this week, I will prepare for my final chemotherapy treatment. Although I'm so excited to have this portion of the treatment over - I'm still not excited to go through even one more round of this. Knowing that you will have to battle through the next week is daunting, and then knowing radiation is to come is challenging to face. Sometimes I think it's easier to not know what you're going to be up against.

I will prevail; I will be a stronger person after this. I know it.

An Engagement Story

The story: Friday, December 18th was Dashing's 25 birthday. We always do 3 birthday events - dinner with immediate family, a friends' day/night, and a couple's dinner. As you can imagine, we more or less do birthday weekends. Dashing had a Med School exam during the day on Friday, and when he finished he gave me a call to say he had made dinner reservations at the Compass Room at our downtown Phoenix Hyatt, a rooftop rotating restaurant. I wasn't surprised by the restaurant choice as we had my couple's dinner there this year too. I was surprised by one thing though....he actually made reservations and evening plans? I was impressed as he usually has me call to make reservations. We drove downtown and stopped at the Sheraton's District Bar for a quick pre-dinner birthday drink. Then on to dinner....we talked, ate, celebrated his birthday. We seamlessly got into a conversation about how our past experiences, good and bad, make us who we are today and how that has made us stronger together. He then said, these past 3 1/2 years have been the best of my life. Just then the rotating restaurant viewed our loft, his school, my work, our car (he planned this too!).....he got down on his knee and asked "Will you marry me?" and opened up the ring box.

I have no doubt that I looked like a deer in headlights. From recent conversations, I was sort of expecting something in early spring....but definitely not on his birthday. He later said he wanted to do it on his birthday for that exact reason - to make it a genuine surprise. He said it's the best birthday gift he could have.

So after all of this, the waitress came back with champagne and congratulated us. We left the restaurant hand in hand and called his and my parents. Unbeknownst to me, he had asked my dad for my hand in marriage 2 weeks ago when my dad was in town visiting AZ, and his parents have known for the last month. AND Apparently, the ring was delivered to his parent's house on Thursday while I was standing in the entry way. Dashing's dad signed for a package and mentioned it was medical records. I was clueless! We then met up with his parents for a champagne toast at the OBar at the Ocean Club.

I am loving being engaged to the man of my dreams, and I have to admit I catch myself just frequently admiring my ring. We do not have a date set, and don't plan to until Dashing gets his medical school schedule for the upcoming year. He is so excited for all of this AND he (yes, I said HE) is pumped to be involved in the decisions on everything from location to color palate - amazing! He definitely got his mom's (Glenda's) interior designer genes!

Lots of new and exciting adventures to come!