Words of Wisdom Wednesday

Source: oprah.com via Sara on Pinterest

If the shoe fits (or not) wear it.

At work, I park in a parking garage about .5 mi away from my office building (oh college campuses!). So, I always wear walking flip flops/flats/uggs when making this trek to the office. My feet should be thanking me that I don't wear my 3 inch heels on this hike. I keep my standard pair of black peep toe pumps in my office drawer to change into at 8am.

However, last Wednesday, I made it to my office only to remember I took my black heels home for the weekend. I had been wearing tan/grey heels on Monday and Tuesday and therefore hadn't realized my black heels were still at home. Oh, well, I thought. I guess my rhinestone JCrew flip flops would have to make it through the day.

That is, until I comedically told my boss, and she said "But you have your awards ceremony today!"
Me: "Oh no!"

You see, last week I was notified that I was a nominee for a College of Medicine excellence award and was invited to the awards ceremony. I was honored to be recognized for my work and looked forward to the ceremony.

The ceremony was taking place on Wednesday, the only day I had forgotten my heels. The ceremony where I would be wearing flip flops in front of Deans from all of the health science colleges, University administration, and guests attendees of staff and faculty. NOOOOOOOO! I had totally forgotten.

So what do I do? Use my inner resourceful sorority girl and call a current sorority girl at the University and friend, Shannon from More to Hollywood,  with a desperate plea for some black heels. Sure enough, she came through like a champ! Although they were a size too big, it wasn't anything a wad of tissues couldn't fix! (see left)

At the ceremony being recognized as a nominee.

Although I didn't win, I had a great time AND DIDN'T EVEN TRIP in the borrowed shoes!

Remember, things may not always happen the way you want them to, but if you stop, take a deep breath, and think, you will find a reasonable solution and enjoy the hilarity in the meantime.

Sincerely,

Sara Cate

What are the odds?

This past Sunday was wonderful. I spent the morning at my favorite coffee/bakery shop listening to my audiobook on the patio enjoying the 70 degree sunny weather in Arizona. Then, Dashing finished his morning shift in the ICU, and we spent the rest of the day together. After lunch and a 6.5 mile jog through the desert, we landed back at our house for an evening in.

We decided to watch the movie 50/50 (the one with Seth Rogen about a friend having cancer). I've hesitated to see this movie. Since I've had my own cancer experience, I didn't know if I really felt like I could watch it.

However, it fit in the day perfectly and let me share my emotions with the one I love the most. Let me explain the connections:

1. In the same year I finished my cancer treatments of ABVD Chemotherapy and radiation, I ran a half-marathon. Yesterday, we ran 6.5 miles - my longest run since the race, and we went running only a few miles from the marathon track in Tucson (at the time of the 1/2, I lived in Phoenix).
2. I finished my cancer treatments this week in March, 2 years ago.
3. All of my chemotherapy treatments were in Tucson, we watched the movie in our new home in the Tucson area.
4. I watched it with my Dashing - who was there for me every step of the way.

Watching the movie  exposed so many feelings I hadn't addressed in a while. They rushed through my body like a dam breaking to release all of the tightly held rapids into the canal below.

Now, the story of 50/50 was not like my experience. My doctors were personable, concerned, supportive, kind, understanding. My family and friends were pillars of hope and strength, who surrounded me with love. In this movie, I felt like the patient was emotionally (and sometimes physically) alone. Dashing asked me during the movie, "You must have felt alone since you were the only one going through it, even with all of us around." I actually didn't. Although I had many moments of feeling like maybe not everyone really could understand, I can firmly say I never, ever felt alone. How lucky I was and am. Dashing then clasped his hand with mine and held me close for the rest of the night.

There was one clip in the movie that resonated so much with me though. It was near the end of the patient's chemotherapy treatments and he, after so many months of being stone cold, he broke down with tears, screams, and thrashing movements. I had this moment, and both the movie patient and I said "I'm so tired of being sick," while endless streams of tears ran down our faces with feelings of helplessness, vulnerability, and exhaustion.

So what moments in the movie stayed with me? (The moments that had me redirecting tears from my face to my sweatshirt sleeve).

• You sometimes feel like it will never end
• You stand in the bathroom contemplating how much to cut your hair, before and while it's falling out
• You don't really want to believe it could be the end of your life, and although it demonstrates positivity on the outside, on the inside it's refusing to figure our how you really feel ignoring mortality, sadness, or hurt. I did this too.
• You get tired of being sick
• You feel like  you're a burden
• You question who is truly there to support you
• You can shut people out easily because you're shutting down on the inside

So as parting words for the masses, I say this.... It is more than just ok to feel sad or hurt sometimes. Let yourself feel how you really feel. Come to terms with the fact that life is not always happy. You don't have to be "Suzy Sunshine." Sometimes things are hard, disappointing, tragic, and upsetting. Share those feelings just like you share the happy, elated, joyful ones. In that, you'll find the meaning of your life.

11 (painfully) honest things...

It was so much fun playing the Duchess yesterday, and I absolutely adored seeing the dolled-up trick-or-treat-ers bounding up my sidewalk last night. I would have loved to have taken pictures of some of the munchkins but clearly realize that parents would think I was a devient so I resisted. So, transitioning from being someone else yesterday (Kate Middleton that is), I'm going to share some things about the real me.

Ages ago, I was totally inspired by blogger The Whole Kristen Caboodle to write 10 painfully honest things about myself. I apparently started this, saved  it as a draft, and just stumbled upon it today. So I set out to finish writing all 10 plus one for good measure (and by that I mean 11). For those who know me well, digging deep and letting it out has been a tough thing for me to learn how to do, so I am completely not surprised a half-finished, painfully-dig-deep post has sat in my draft posts for so long. So, this is a good test for me to see how far along I've come with reaching a place called comfortable in my own skin.

11. I am a terrible window shopper. I hate looking at things I can't buy. I simply won't go to the mall/retail store unless I am going to be purchasing something. 

Tory Bruch Store in Hong Kong - isn't it beautiful!

10. I have patience. I just think it takes a vacation now an then.

9. I love iced lattes. I claim that I don't need them for the espresso caffeine, but refuse to get them decaf claiming "what am I paying for then!" Hmmmmm. I may be misguided here.

How do they do those designs!

Source: tumblr.com via rebecca on Pinterest

8. I have left dishes, laundry, and trash to do just to see if Dashing will do it without prompting. However, I have come to realize that if I just simply ask, it will usually will get done. If I don't ask - it's on me.

7. My dream job is to be a domestic goddess. Inspirations include stylist like Mrs. Lilien, cook like The Pioneer Woman, an artist like Caitlin McGauley, an interior designer like Erin Gates of Elements of Style, provide comedic relief like The Blogess, have wardrobes like 9 to 5 Chic, Atlantic Pacific, and Sweet Caroline, Lauren Conrad, and Olivia Palermo and of course, be a wonderful wife and mother.

Source: thechloeconspiracy.com via Sara on Pinterest

6. I once took an ATM cash withdraw from Dashing and my joint bank account to go buy a shirt I wanted so the retailer's name wouldn't show up on our bank statement. I only did this once and no more!

5. I compare my body size to others and will make myself upset with my current size and shape.

4. I will rationalize with myself that eating mega servings of  chocolate chip cookies [insert any kind of food or sweet here] is the same caloric intake as eating one because it's the same food. Slightly self-destructive here as this is obviously not true.

3. I am irritated by odd things like: "just two for dinner" YES hostess, just two. My husband and I are very happy coming to dinner JUST us two. How about you say, "two for dinner?" Thank you. Also, I know these songs have a great meaning, but "live like you're dying" songs miss a major point. Every day we live, we are closer to death. Therefore you should live life to its fullest BECAUSE you're dying. Think about it in a philosophical and inspiring way - not as a downer. Finally, I hate it when my three favorite radio stations are all playing the same song at the same time. There are a billion songs out there and you can't seem to find a different one to play?

2. I find myself making backhanded comments (especially to my husband) more than I'd like to admit. I'm working on this.

1. Ugh, one more! I've shared lots of painfully honest things so far. This is exhausting. Ok, last one. I have a tendency to judge MY self-worth based on my salary and job title. What's crazy is that in my heart, I value my personal life, memories, experiences, future plans, and accomplishments so much more. So, I'm not sure why this matters in the grand scheme of things, but for some reason, it apparently does.

It's the small things in life

After posting about our trip, I got to thinking...what was my most favorite part of the vacation?

I can tell you it definitely was not the emotional breakdown I had over Dashing's lack of free time during his Emergency Medicine residency and his stand off reaction (we're not perfect. we just continue to communicate to work it out - and that's just what we did). That was an important piece to share to segue to my favorite part. After a long, positive, encouraging, and heartfelt conversation that night on the beach and a good night's sleep, we went on a walk the next morning, hand in hand, laughing about past memories and what we were excited about for our future. We then got silly and started walking around Coronado with funny gallops, skips, and strides without a care in the world - like children frolicking in the backyard as the parents secretly giggle at the shenanigans happening in front of them. We didn't care if we looked funny - we were enjoying each others company and laughter. So even the fun moments of whooshing down a roller-coaster slope or eating the most delicious of Disneyland treats (Yum Dole Pineapple Whip!), the best moment was simply gallivanting hand in hand, laughing and smiling, with my Dashing.

In Rememberance

My purse, pocket, car, and home are filled with Apple products. My Dashing converted us a few years ago. The visionary behind how we now live our everyday lives revolutionized the way we use our technology - but did you know he could also tug on your heart strings and challenge your being? I was sent this video only a few months ago from my brother-in-law, and I really appreciated Steve Job's words. If you haven't watched the entire Stanford commencement address, I suggest you do.

The Dash - It's all about how you got there

The title of this post is The Dash - which actually comes from a poem a close friend shared many years ago [watch The Dash Poem Movie here]. It's not as much about where you began or where you end, but it IS about what you do in the meantime.

 

So, I’ve been actively working on myself the past month – doing things I enjoy doing, making tweeks in my temperament, and pardoning my flaws. I am ready  to start sharing some things I’ve done [and love to do] to help me become closer to the woman I want to be. This will be a continuous thing I'll post about!

Arts and crafts of all kinds. I’ll share my bookcase re-do soon, and next up I’ll be working on painting a canvas.

Spending time with family and friends.  I flew out to Indiana to see my dad, and have spent time with my in-laws and niece. I also went dress shopping with a best friend – so special.

rocker niece

Reading not just girlie magazines, but books too – yes, those ones with lots of non-glossy pages.  I read The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion and am finishing up Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project (I like the Rubin’s book a lot. On the other hand, Didion somewhat comes across as un-emotional and pompous - but that is just my opinion.)

Volunteering as an alumna advisor for my sorority.

Watching football. Dashing and I looked into playing a little fantasy football. After two weeks of us forgetting to make team line-ups for that week's game, we gave up. But we still love watching!

Working out regularly. I'm loving Jamie Eason's bodybuilding.com program - It's FREE TOO! Anytime Dashing is working late and won't be home, I just got to the gym. Although in the last 4 weeks I've not been near as much as I would like to have been, I'm not punishing myself for it because I've been doing other important things too (see above).

Watching my favorite TV shows and not feeling guilty that I was a couch potato. Hey, if I enjoy watching Project Runway, Glee, Dexter (I know, 180 degrees from Glee!), How I Met Your Mother, and all things Food Network, then it's worth spending my time doing!

Tell me....what do you love doing?!

A Little Perspective

I found this guest post on The Wiegand's blog. Miss Ariel of A Beautiful Journey is only 21, but has such insight into life. I feel like this post has some relevance to my life as I frequently still feel like I'm 27, married, and a working gal,  who is living the life of a college student - renting a home, not yet financially ready to start a family, unable to furnish the house with our style of decor, watching pennies, no vacations (nor honeymoon). Being married to a resident whom just finished 8 years of education does not equal the glamorous life of a doctor's wife. Sacrifices have been made, and will continue to be made for the length of Dashing's career, now finances and time and later mainly time away from home. I think about the sacrifices we've made, where we are, and why it seems like everyone else is where they want to be (I know this isn't true, but it sometimes still feels like it!). Anyways, here is the post to keep things in perspective....

Avoidance

There are certain things in this world that I must say I avoid:
shellfish, sketchy people on street corners, snack and dessert aisles
in the grocery store, chatty masseuses, and kitten adoption tables (I'm weak).
Each of these has a different reason for why I avoid them, yet yields
the same result. It prevents an outcome or confrontation. I have been
doing the same with my blog recently. My last few posts shared my
excitement for my golden 27th birthday. However, the entrance of
another year of life brought along some unexpected feelings. On the
evening on my Wednesday birthday, Dashing on a late shift at the
hospital, I relaxed at home, solo, making a little dinner (a dish I knew my
Dashing wouldn't want to eat, but one I love), read a little on my new
iPad (thank you dad!!), watched a little TV and crawled into bed. I
actually enjoyed my evening of me focusing on me, but wondered what
kinds of things make me truly happy and now can I focus on making
myself the best me. Kicking avoidance (at least in some situations)
would be a start. I have been avoiding my blog because I would have to
admit that I question what hobbies bring me the most joy, that I have
faults of guilt and jealousy, and feel that my work channeling classy
ladies like Jackie O and modern women like Kate Spade only to result
in a Kristen Whig SNL rendition of these ladies. I know in my heart
that I am kind, loving, respectful, and supportive. I just want to
grow into the woman that I know I am. This blog will help me face my
feelings of insecurities and questions as it forces me to look into a
mirror, not with criticism or remorse, but with a lens of continuous
growth and improvement.

Laugh a little - it's good for you.

So in 2011, I'm working on mind over matter. Some say you can actually think yourself happy. So let yourself laugh a little at these thoughts. A co-worker sent these to me at 8:30am today - what a great way to start a Wednesday! Enjoy. (It's worth the time to read each and every one.)

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Goodbye 2010, Welcome 11 in 11

Wow, where did 2010 go? 

I'll tell you....

It went to spending all my energy recovering from my chemotherapy and radiation treatments.

It went to planning my marriage/wedding/life with my Dashing.

It went to training for and completing a half-marathon benefiting the Arizona Cancer Center.

It want to volunteering for my Delta Gamma alumnae group and St. Jude.

It went to spending precious quality time with my family.

It went to starting a new job.

It went to celebrating my 26th year of life.

It went to a family vacations to Coronado, Disneyland, Mexican Riviera, Indiana, and Oregon.

2010 Tucson 1/2 Marathon

Terri Brush Art Camp - Oregon

Searching for my first wig.

So what is next for 2011....
Becoming an Aunt to a little girl (Miss E)
Celebrating my golden birthday (27)
A one year wedding anniversary
Dashing starting Residency in Emergency Medicine
and much much more - but to continue to strive for a fulfilled life, I have created my list of 11 in 11 that I'll share with you as I not only check them off my list, but enjoy every minute of it.

Sara Cate's 11 in 11


1) Have a picnic with Dashing 
2) Find an exciting museum or venue 
3) Have a wine party 
4) Do something totally spontaneous 
5) Watch the Star Wars series (Dashing has been wanting to do this with me for years)
6) Hike Camelback Mountain 
7) Go camping in northern Arizona
8) Have a board game night with a group of friends
9) Go a whole day without complaining (repeat as needed) 
10) Take a cooking/baking class/attend a culinary event 
11) Throw myself a Golden Birthday Bash (27 on the 27th of July)

Ready to Roll the Dice

I gasped for air, doubled over on the exam table. “Honey, you’re hyperventilating.”

The organ roared, the notes of Pachelbel echoed off the ceiling beams, and I took that first step in my pink pearl, peep toe pumps.

” Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” - Unknown

These two moments happened in the last calendar year of my life. One year ago today, I was diagnosed with cancer (Hodgkin’s Lymphoma). A devastating moment that took my breath away in the form of hyperventilation. In one afternoon, my whole understanding of life changed – actually, I don't think I understood much of anything that afternoon. The other, the moment on July 10, 2010 of true bliss as I walked down the aisle to dashing, my future husband; father on my right, God above. Both of these life defining moments have taken my breath away. The devastation and the harmony of these moments have changed me for the better: more compassionate, more patient, more poised.

Here today, is the start of a new side of my blog as I, Sara Cate, am now an updated model of my old self. (Sweetly using the word ‘model’ as a homograph as I am also modeling my new pixie hair).The mode of change was ignited by a four key pieces: Dream, Inspire, Communicate, and Explore (I’m lovingly calling this DICE). This includes dreams for the future as well as those while I count sheep - inspiration from family, photographs, and blogs - communication with family, friends, and my husband (Dashing) - and Exploration of who I am and who I want to be.


So, let’s roll the DICE and see what’s in store, shall we?

New Beginnings

Dear family, friends, and supporters,

After a long hiatus from my blog, I finally have re-gained the excitement of writing. The telling of a personal life story can be quite exhausting. Sometimes, it was therapeutic, while other times it meant re-hashing details I didn't want to remember. I just needed to retreat to my family.

So, here I am, strong of mind and heart with a renewed energy AND not to mention... a PET scan result that says I'm cancer free! I face the world with a different attitude, and am learning how to function with this new outlook. I possess much more empathy and peace these days. However, my patience level fluctuates. See, I have much more patience for sensitive situations, much less for meaningless ones. This Leo sometimes has to be tamed ;) I struggle when people make excuses for themselves and want to shake them to understand that they can do something about it - make every day a special one.

I'm learning how to essentially forgive others for not having gone through a traumatic experience or excuse them for not knowing what I've been going through. I'm hoping this is a normal post-trauma thing to experience?? I do recognize what is wrong with the picture - I'm just being honest with what runs through my head sometimes when I encounter mean or ungrateful or faith-less people. Work in progress I suppose :) On the other side of patience and understanding, I no longer get frustrated when someone takes the elevator up one floor or maybe scoops up the last close parking space - I don't know what their story is...maybe they needed it...just like I did at one point. You just never know someone's story. Also, if you do learn about someone's story, share your support. Some of the most touching moments during all of this were the ones that complete strangers hugged me or offered me prayers. What a generous and caring world we DO live in. It gave me reassurance and hope. Please share love and faith with others who need it.

In continuing my new beginnings, I have accepted a new job in a warm, welcoming office. This position will offer me the opportunity to be supported, to grow, and to continue to establish my new self. In addition, I have started to grow my stationery/invitation business Sincerely Sara Cate - 3 weddings and many notecard orders have been filled! Website soon to come....once I figure out all the nuances to building a website - much tougher than I thought! I am so thankful that through my life experiences, I recognized what makes me and have made changes in my career path to reflect that.

Now, onto what I would consider the most special new beginning... Dashing and my wedding! As you know, we were engaged on his birthday, December 18th. We will be tying the knot on July 10, 2010. OH SO SOON! We've got most things in order, and are just finalizing details at this point. Another new beginning moment.... I've got Dashing taking dance lessons! Now that is big! I think he has started many new beginnings right along side me. We have continued to grow closer with stronger support, understanding, and most importantly, love. We are enjoying every moment of our engagement from reading books together that our Pastor assigned to picking out centerpiece details (although agreeing on registry items has been a little bit more challenging, but fun none-the-less).

In reading about someone else's experience with cancer, I have adopted this explanation to wrap up this part of my life and move forward to the next....

I don't think I'll ever be able to say that I'm glad I've had cancer, but I must say that I am so glad and thankful for all of the wonderful changes it has brought to my life. My relationships with family and friends has grown stronger. I have been able to identify what makes me happy and ensure that all parts of my life contribute to my happiness. My relationship with Dashing has bloomed into an even more loving, caring, and supportive one - I am so happy to be spending the rest of my life with him. These are wishes many people hope to gain in a lifetime - and I've been able to do just that.

Thank you for all the support, encouragement, strength, and love you all have given me. You all have shown me the kind of compassion that I didn't think even existed. So, here is me, signing off on the old Sara Cate, and welcoming new beginnings. This fall, I will be transforming this blog into a new Sincerely Sara Cate to help me continue to find inspiration in the things I love. I hope you will join me on that journey.

Sincerely,

Sara Cate

The End is Just the Beginning

As a movie comes to a close, and the film fades out, two words scroll across the screen to signify the happily ever after...The End. Although I finished my last round of chemotherapy, The End is not here.

On January 6, I received my final chemotherapy infusion. Although this was such a wonderful feeling knowing I was done, the event that matched it was throwing out Mr. PICC. Yes, you heard it from me. Mr. PICC is GONE. So after all of these events, the infusion nurses threw me a celebration "Bubble Party". I felt on top of the world.

PICC Line Removal - I braced myself for pain, but it didn't end up hurting at all!
Celebrating at the Bubble Party

Then the next chapter came - radiation. On January 13th, I met with my radiation oncologist (Dr. T). During that appointment, I got my tattoo - which I am happy to report is the size of a small pen dot. You would never notice it! Whew. I'll be starting radiation in the beginning of February - 5 days a week for 4 weeks.

Now I want to talk about the reality of it all. Although I responded beautifully to chemotherapy and really had a lot of great feeling days, I can't even think about chemotherapy without feeling sick to my stomach. This last round was definitely the toughest, and I had 2 dates with the toilet. I still don't have a taste for many foods and tire easily. My skin is very pale, my eyebrows are weak, and I've lost some eyelashes (I'm not sure if that's due to the treatment or stress - regardless, they're gone). My hair did not survive.

This photo was difficult for me to post because I don't want it to be real, but it is, and I want to share the truth with you. I frequently think about how much hair I'll have when Dashing and I get married.

So since THE END of chemotherapy, I have the next 2 weeks to recoup and recover before I BEGIN radiation.

Who brought the Grinch to Christmas?

In my last post, I shared with you all great news about my PET scan results. I am still over the moon about how my chemotherapy treatments have gone thus far - but not really looking forward to 2 more rounds. So, in preparation for chemo wrap-up, I had to visit with a radiation oncologist to discuss my second part of treatment. After chemotherapy, I will have approximately 20 sessions of radiation to put the last nail in my cancer coffin. The radiation oncologist was wonderful, understanding, and explained everything in detail. Feeling pretty good about what was to come, I nodded in agreement with the process as my entourage (Dashing, Glenda, Dashing's dad, my dad) closely listened in.

I then asked "What will be the daily routine when I come in?" The doctor says, you'll be in and out in 30 minutes most days (I'm thinking fantastic!). For the first few times, there will be some additional planning needed." The doctor continues..."On the first visit, we'll give you some markings to properly line you up on the radiation table for each visit." Dashing's dad (who is an ER doc) is known for his sarcasm and one liners; he pipes up and says,"Now Sara, you know these will be permanent tattoos." I chuckle and say, "Oh sure Mark," and waive my hand as to nonchalantly wave it off. Then I see the look on his face and my grin quickly disappears - "Oh, you're serious."

So readers, the Grinch officially arrived with the notification of my upcoming nuptials with some nice blue tattoo dots on my neck/chest area. Just tally them up to some more battle scars. Ugh.

Here is a picture posted online as to what these tattoos look like. I can have them removed later on with a supposed simple plastic surgery visit. I'm just not a tattoo girl, never wanted one. In the holiday spirit, can't I just get a Santa Claus temporary tattoo instead???

Black Friday

This past Wednesday, I had my 5th chemotherapy treatment - I can't believe it! I've been responding well to treatment and am still in the best of hands with my friends and family. I have to say that I've gotten used to being the patient in all sense of the word - at home and in the hospitals. However, I got a taste of what it's like to be on the other side of the hospital bed this Thanksgiving's Black Friday.

On Thursday, the entourage headed up to northern Arizona to spend Thanksgiving in the high country. Thanksgiving was moved to Saturday to accommodate every one's schedules. When you're with a medical family - you learn to change the date of holidays frequently. Dashing's sister, Miss E, then started having complaints of stomach pains, and by Friday morning, Dashing and his Dad had determined that Miss E would be appendix-less by the end of the day. Yes, Miss E had a head on collision with appendicitis. This was the start of Black Friday. We headed over to the emergency room (which luckily Dashing's dad runs) and Miss E was prepped for surgery after a positive CT scan. As she was lying in the hospital bed, I started to understand what my family and friends feel as I am going through my treatments.

The uncertainty overwhelmed me and I felt quite helpless. I tried to find ways to keep the Miss E's spirits up with the little things, like loaning her socks and reading magazines. I felt like this was my opportunity to give Miss E support like she has been giving me for the past few months.

As a medical student, Dashing was able to actually stand in and watch Miss E's surgery, which was a success. I am happy to report that Miss E is recovering fabulously and demanded to go out to a Mexican dinner only a few hours after surgery. What a trooper!

So, this Thanksgiving especially, I want to THANK every friend, family, and blog friend for your support and love. It makes all the difference.

Sometimes it's all about me

So many things have changed in my life over the past few months. In lieu of this, I have to remember that things like my hair aren't the only things that make me, me. So, here are some things you may not know about me that make me, me. Then, leave a comment and tell me what makes you, you!

I hate soggy cereal and melted ice cream.

I am a midwest girl at heart - plus it's confirmed by my Indiana birth certificate.

I stalk follow people in full parking lots to take their spot.

My favorite show is 30 rock...."Liz Lem-min" as TJ would say.

I'd rather go to the beach than a ski lodge.

I heart magazines - glossy pages get me.

I despise Cancer Treatment Centers of America's commercials.

I love fresh bouquets of flowers, especially peonies!

I am a Delta Gamma woman.

My new favorite thing to bake is chocolate bread. Both carbs and sweets....yum.

I just found out that my state business application for Sincerely Sara Cate note cards was approved! Website and order forms to come :)

Montage

So I've been behind on updating everyone with my treatments - but I figure you all will give me some slack here. In order to pack everything into a nice little post package, I'll attempt to do a montage. Who doesn't like that?? I'll do small clips of things that have happened. If you want more about something specific, leave me a comment about it and I'll include details in my next post.

Fertility egg retrieval last Tuesday (Sept.29): They knocked me out with crazy drugs - don't remember anything, but now have little lovelies frozen in a locker under high security protection. No chemo will get to them in there!

First chemotherapy treatment last Wednesday (Sept. 30): It's like a big living room with recliners and family hanging out. Just includes lots of tubes, beepings, and chemicals.

The next day: You would expect the next few days to be tough, but they really weren't that bad!!! I have lost my sweet tooth....is that possible....apparently so!

Complications: This has been the worst of it all. I am one of the lucky few that had complications from the fertility hormones and have horded fluid in my body. Essentially I have a little more than an inch of fluid surrounding my lungs called plural effusion and lots of fluid in my belly. AT LEAST 4 pounds of it!!! I had to go to the emergency room to find this out because I was coughing, short of breath, and couldn't lie down. Luckily, Dashing's uncle is a local ER doc too - so we just went to see him. Perfect, I know! Unfortunately, I just have to wait for my body to dispel this fluid because they don't want to stick a needle in me to remove it because of the chance of infection. Whew, I'm out of breath from just re-reading my work. Yesterday I had to take a break for air from walking down the house hallway while holding the cat. I wonder what Wii would say my activity age level is now!

What's on the horizon? A haircut on Thursday, or should I say chop? and wig fitting on Friday (photos to come). Hopefully fluid disposal is also on this list. I haven't laid down in 3 days!!!

5 things I never though would happen at 25

5. Inquire about wigs and Rogaine
4. Be on church prayer lists
3. Talk about my eggs over omelets
2. Move into my boyfriend's parents house
1. Be told I'm an inspiration

Relaxing weekend, Realizations, and Religion

I had a wonderful weekend away! Lots of food, fun, and CRAFTING! I made these cute note cards for friends, check them out!

The pink ones are for Miss E, Dashing's sister.

The travel ones are for a secret friend who doesn't know they are coming her way yet! She is a jet setter getting ready to move...

Can't wait to see if these ladies like the note cards! I sure do :)

So, onto the update... I have found that almost no conversation happens without the mention of at least one of the following words: cancer, lymphoma, chemo, doctor. No one is dwelling on it, but you can't make any kind of plans without addressing it. No, we can't do that next week because we have a doctor's appointment at that time. Let's plan the holidays this way because Sara Cate will still be on chemotherapy then. I think we all try to have "normal" (if that is even possible) conversations, but all talk consists of this. Cancer is not only invading my body, it's invading everything I and everyone else does. I challenged myself not to bring it up for 30 minutes. I barely made it. Unbelievable how life changes.

THE HONEST TRUTH: I've been facing this lymphoma head to head with as much strength and positivity (wink wink to the CDCs) as possible. However, I do want you to know that I do have my nights/days when I break. I am not Mother Theresa, and I bet she had her days too! This is what makes us human - I just wanted to share that I am human too and have a sea of emotions that I'm trying to navigate. I had some this weekend. It's when your feelings of scared, anxiety, trapped, lost, broken overwhelm you. Dashing does such a wonderful job listening and supporting me through this - I don't know where he gets his strength and wisdom. He wrote me this cute message using delicious alphabet cookies...

Then, I ate them. I think I've gained a few pounds this week...with the entourage whipping up all kinds of family meals and a do not exercise order, I'm loading up on calories. I'll just tally it up to caloric storage for the journey ahead. HOWEVER, I will NEVER resort to eating Paula Dean's "sandwich." You have to see this video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zv8yEMRDe_w. You will feel sick to your stomach.

The other topic I want to be honest about is faith. I have an unexplainable sense of calmness within me. As Dashing's mom, Glenda, and I discussed, it's about how God will use my lymphoma as a vehicle to make me and those around me better people with more compassion, understanding, and awareness. I hope it provides others opportunities to reconnect, learn to live and love life, and recognize how each one of us are blessed in so many ways.

In honor of my Delta Gamma roots, I have to also mention this about faith. Just as I received word via phone on Friday that my PET scan showed no signs of tumors below my diaphragm (which puts me at a stage 2 ...fantastic!), I took my last sip of water at a local restaurant only to find the glass engraved on the bottom with an anchor and an 'H' (symbols of hope). Faith and hope will show up in the craziest of places if you just keep your heart and eyes open. TDH.